Zwei Sprachen, ein Gedanke

 

Ich habe gerade eine neue Seite für Übersetzungen auf meinen Website gestellt, da ich jetzt immer mehr Anfragen dafür erhalte.

Guck doch mal rein!

Hier in Villach haben wir an diesem Wochenende ein ‘New Orleans’ Festival und wir machen natürlich mit!

Rechtzeitig dafür hier ein englischer Trinkspruch in zwei Sprachen :

Das Leben ist wundervoll,
man muss es nur durch die richtige Brille sehen.

Life ist wonderful,
you just need to see it through the right glasses.

Have a nice one yourself :

What’s the difference between Heaven and Hell?

Here is a little fun to brighten your Monday again :

What’s the difference between Heaven and Hell?

IN HEAVEN :

• The police are British
• The chefs are French
• The mechanics are German
• The lovers are Italian
• and it’s all organized by the Swiss!

IN HELL :

• The chefs are British
• The mechanics are French
• The police are German
• The lovers are Swiss
• and it’s all organized by the Italians!

Until next time, all the best from : Berend

Official Language in Europe to Change : “Euro-English”

This is hilarious and will make your Monday – one of my loyal readers in Sydney sent this over the other day; read it out loud and you’ll laugh your head off :

Official Language in Europe to Change :
From German to English = “Euro-English”

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve v! il hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Ontil next tim, al ze best from : Berend

Have a little Laugh : Fun Vocabulary for the Office

Here’s a little laugh for you on a Monday morning : if you are working in an office and are not familiar with the following vocabulary, you are seriously out of touch.

I found it on business coach Philip Humbert’s eNewsletter TIPS a while ago, have fun :

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

MOUSE POTATO: The online, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

Until next time, all the best from : Berend

How to Feel Like a Computer Expert

Are you on good terms with your computer?

If not, you won’t feel so bad after reading about these silly mistakes some people made. Philip Humbert circulated them in his latest TIPS eNewsletter on Sunday :

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “Start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

A woman customer called the Canon help desk about a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

Have a good laugh, until next time : Berend

10 Signs That You Are Getting Older

It’s Monday morning and ‘Emotion Day’ according to the ‘Quality of Time’ system I wrote about on Friday.

So how do you feel this morning? Not like this, I hope – but if you recognize any of these 10 signs in yourself, you are getting older :

1. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.

2. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work.

3. It takes two attempts to get up from the couch.

4. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

5. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

6. You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.

7. You have more patience, but you just don’t care anymore.

8. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

9. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

10. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.

Any score?

Respect

While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son with her.

Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked :

“Mommy, can I have some money to buy a cool drink?”

“What do you say?” she asked.

Respectfully, the boy replied : “You’re thin and beautiful.”

The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

The Bathtub Test

Most of us take life far too seriously. So here is a good joke I picked up at hooverdog.com to brighten our day :

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

“No,” said the Director, “a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”